My Partner is Addicted to Pornography

This is an issue that has come up a lot.

There are a few challenges that are presented. (These problems have come up with women and men that I have worked with in this situation)

1.   Unrealistic expectations.

2.  Breakdown of intimacy.

3.  One partner feeling inadequate.

4.  Trust.

The biggest problem is that pornography takes out the real human connection, the intimacy is absent. Sex is just an act.

With pornography being so available on the world wide web we are finding that this problem is becoming more common.

Unfortunately for a lot of the younger generations porn is a normal thing to watch.

I had a client tell me that she felt so inadequate because her partner compared her body to the women on porn sites.

This is unrealistic considering a lot of those women have had body modifications and enhancements to some degree.

I had a male client share that he had to watch porn first before being intimate with his partner.

Another client told me about a shared laptop between her and her husband. She came across a file that consisted of a list of porn sites and pictures. Which ultimately made her feel sick because porn was something that had never been talked about. She felt betrayed and disappointed.

A woman I worked with a few years ago shared how she had caught her husband in a compromising situation watching a video after she had been out shopping. He didn`t want to talk about it

I also had another client a young woman in her early 20s. Her boyfriend at the time watched a lot of porn. She felt like she had to do whatever he wanted of a sexual nature to keep him. At the time he was the only person she had been with.

We had a lot of work to do on self-esteem and speaking up and setting boundaries. She decided that she deserved better once she found her voice.

I remember quite a few years ago now I was talking to a group of young people about relationships. The conversation then turned to what is now the norm in relationships. I was shocked when I was told about what is normal. Most of what is now normal are because of the availability of porn sites.

There is also another side where couples will openly discuss sex and pornography, they may even watch it together for fun.

They may use certain scenarios from what they have watched to spice up their sex life.

This does not mean that this is the only way to do that. I have always believed that open communication is the best way to add a bit of excitement to any relationship.

If your partner is addicted to porn and is causing problems in your relationship the first thing that must happen is that there needs to be a discussion.

If your partner has turned to porn, what is missing in the relationship? This is an important question.

Was there a trigger, when did it start, how long has this been going on, and do they want to stop? Pornography can be a deal breaker for some relationships.

These are the first questions I would ask a couple going through this scenario.

This is where real communication starts. There is always a solution.

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